One of the most challenging things I am still coping with (mentally) is fixating and stressing out about things I cannot control. I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts, made up scenarios, and end up psyching myself in + out of reality.
I call this mild anxiety.
I get anxious about certain things, and completely emotionless about others. The reason I wanted to briefly write about this is because I feel like this is something extremely relatable for people my age, or anyone for that matter. But, especially during the high stresses of balancing school, social, and work life – the pressures of life never end, but you’re not alone.
In my particular case, I guess the heightened anxiety comes with living alone and so far away from my closest friends and family. Sometimes I feel isolated and don’t know who to turn to. Sure, I have people that I can discuss this with, but it becomes such a surface conversation, that none of it feels real to me. They share their opinion, and at the end of the day, do they care? Maybe, maybe not. I am not looking for sympathy; sometimes we just need a place to feel safe and express ourselves. Welcome to my blog 🙂
Personally, I get these feelings of anxiousness when A LOT is on my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I love keeping busy – or actually, I NEED to keep busy. When I have too much down time, this is usually when the anxiety kicks in. My mind begins to wander, and I don’t like that. I enjoy working on things and feeling challenged by everyday activities. When that stalls, if I become unmotivated, or if life is just throwing too many curve balls – you can be sure that my mind will begin jumping to unrealistic thoughts.
Just the other day, I woke up at 5am and couldn’t fall back asleep. Why? Too much anxiety. I woke up in such a distraught state, I didn’t know how to handle it so I just left and went to the gym.
Despite all this, I don’t (usually) crack under pressure. I enjoy the adrenaline of new and exciting things. What I think triggers this is simply…lack of control. Yes, that sounds a bit psycho, but I like to think this stems from my type A personality.
When there is a lot of ambiguity about anything, and I mean anything – I get mentally frustrated. I have this need to know and understand, and when I don’t have that control – I lose it. You might be thinking, there is a lot in this world that I cannot control, so how do you deal? In short, the intensity of this anxiety is highly dependent on how important something is to me. If it is something that is going to affect me on a personal level, it definitely becomes more extreme than if it is a situation more towards the general population or my peers. Which may seem self-centred, and probably is, but it’s the truth.
We all get caught up in our heads sometimes, some more than others. But we cannot confine ourselves to living in this state – because I know I don’t like myself like this, so how can anyone else? If you can relate to this, I would love to hear how you handle everyday triggers of stress or anxiety. Remember, it’s process and there is no quick fix. Just breathe.