We Want Love…We Want to be Happy

“We believe we seek happiness in love, but it’s not quite as simple. What at times it seems we actually seek is familiarity – which may well complicate any plans we might have for happiness.” (Check out the full article here).

WHOA. Did you let that sink in?

Processed with VSCO with hb1 preset

I am, by no means, an expert in love, happiness, or even consistent positivity. I definitely try to install these feelings in my life, but let’s be honest…I’m human. Things happen, life happens.

This quote hits home for me, and it may for a lot of you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about love or a significant romance like the article implies, but the idea that we become so comfortable in certain aspects of our lives really struck at me.

I believe that love is a tricky thing, and it’s very subjective to the point where no one should tell you what is and what is not considered love. We each have our own individual experiences and ideas surrounding it, so how we interpret it will differ. When you think of “being in love” you think of constant happiness, and this feeling of pure joy. But is this always the case? I strongly believe that love should not be your sole resource of happiness, rather it is something that can supplement to your overall level of happiness.

There are times where you think you are in love with someone, but maybe you’re in love with the idea of BEING with someone. This is when the lines begin to blur and the uncertainty of your feelings begin to be questioned. In my experience, it’s hard to really pinpoint that moment of moving from being “in love’ with someone to “falling out of love” with that person. I can’t recall when it actually happened, or why, but all I know is that I never really acknowledged it until this point of numbness.

At one point in my life, I was going through a lot of change and adjustment, so I viewed this romance to be one of the only stable things I had. No matter the stress or anxiety I was feeling from other areas of my life, this was the one thing I knew was there and could count on. But is that enough? This love gave me comfort, support, and overall familiarity when all other things appeared so dynamic. I have no regrets about it, as I truly think it made me more confident in who I am as a person. That being said, I lost all independence in who I was and began to see this love as my identity. This feeling of happiness was really a feeling of knowing that if I failed – this would still be there.

I hated that idea – of placing my happiness in the hands of others and feeling as though this was NEEDED in my life, otherwise I wouldn’t be happy. This is not how I grew up, and not anything that I believe in. Yet, I fell into this trap of comfort and routine. I was stuck feeling that if I ever let go, I would be broken. So was I truly happy anymore?

I think my definition of happiness changed throughout this love, as it does for most couples. It starts off one way, and that’s what you really fall in love with. That initial excitement of meeting and getting to know a new person. So many firsts and fresh experiences because you’ve never been through this before with them. But then time passes. For me, this feeling of numbness refers to the idea of being without a soul. You are fully conscious of your presence and you are aware of what you are doing, but none of that means anything. You act and say things because you know it’s what you are suppose to be doing, but not necessarily anything more. That initial excitement is replaced with feelings of comfort and predictability.

I am not suggesting that this is true for every single relationship, because it definitely isn’t. But I believe that this quote opens our eyes to the reality and struggle a lot of couples may face at one point in their lives. Some will overcome it, others will not. Just remember that you are not defined by this love, instead you have the power and control of your own happiness – in what ever shape or form this may come in.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s